The Truth About the Finding Peace Within the Forest of Trees

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These last few days have been difficult for me. I have spent this week recovering from a "work" weekend, where I was pulled away from all things TNT-LLS-related, and spent three entire days working on "career"- and "work"-work. For the last few days, I have felt like a spinning top knocked off balance by a careless bump to the tabletop I have been spinning on. I have found myself dangerously close to the edge of my abilities, peering helplessly over the edge, hoping that there is enough momentum left in my wobble to bringing me back toward center.
Close to this edge, I have had a moment to see "the forest from the trees" - I have planned a lot of events for the upcoming weeks. Kick-off to our busy calendar is our Cookies for a Cure bake sale and Flex Your {Heart} Muscle events, taking place this weekend. We follow-up with a second Flex Your {Heart} Muscle event next Wednesday and culminate with our multi-locational event Write Thru the Night: where we will be hosting events at geeTEAM headquarters, virtually, and through satellite events hosted by our family, friends & fans. I am close to a panic-attack thinking about how I have backed myself into a way-to-busy corner.
I consider why I have done this to myself: why have I given myself far too much to do? Why would anyone want to do this much work? Is my investment worthwhile? Will anyone even show up?? I work full-time, I am a student part-time, I am researching graduate schools and career development, I am training for a marathon, I am trying to raise $5,000 for LLS ... I have friends and family that depend on me ... I have to eat, I have to sleep, I have to relax ... How do I expect to do all of this and be a success?
I would be lying if I said that I have not shed a tear or more over the exasperation I feel thinking about my commitments that I have and continue to accumulate. I would be lying if I said that I did not believe that my forest was much too large, filled with too many trees. At this point, I wish my commitments were a backyard orchard, not this multi-acre arboretum that I have cultivated. I am ashamed to say, there was a moment when I wanted nothing more than to give up and walk away from it all.
And then there comes perspective. Poached eggs and bacon, bitter coffee, a lecture, an email, and then a well-timed quote: 

"Doing your best means never stop trying." -- Unknown

I am doing my very best to meet the challenge: I want to make my sincerest effort to battle the devastation that blood cancers have on those affected. I am raising awareness and funds for The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. And I have thrown myself in 156% to the (mostly uphill) battle. 
I created this effort to involve my Donors. I have created these events to involve my family, friends and fans. It is easy to get discouraged when you feel so strongly about something, when you identify your effort as a piece of yourself - C.U.M.F.O.R.T.S. blanket has become an appendage growing from my heart. And there are times when I reach out that arm to shake hands with those that are closest to me - by offering these events and other opportunities to participate with me - only to have the invitation declined and the hand brushed away. My heart is sore from the rejection.
But I cannot give up. Because I am doing this for Matt. I am doing this for Rob. I am doing this for those who need me. I do my best. I continue to do my best. My best today might not be my best yesterday, or tomorrow. But it is always my best. So, instead of holding out my arm for a handshake, I sit patiently and hold up my fingers in an offering of "peace." I hope that those who see my unflagging efforts will come and join me for a morning, afternoon, evening, hour, moment - so that I can share my inspiration and ask them to join me in holding up a sign of "peace" within this forest.
Yesterday, because I could not find the energy to do anything else, I crocheted Donor Medallions for PROJECT MATT and PROJECT ROB. I am proud to say that we have completed 50 Medallions for Matt's blanket. I am proud that we are 50% of the way to a complete blanket for our first Honoree. I am proud that even on my worst day, I can find inspiration in Matt's battle to not give up.
I look forward to the upcoming events, and hope to see you all there! Thank you for the continued support, I could not do it without you. All my love!


stay tuned!
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Mission: Possible

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C.U.M.F.O.R.T.S. blanket and Jessica Gee were recognized on the Leukemia & Lymphoma blog - "Mission: Possible" - this morning. 

Check out Jessica's guest blog post "Creating Comfort: It began with a hole in the ground" here. 

We are proud to be honored by LLS and we hope to make the TNT & LLS mission possible by "Contributing Unconditional Means For Research, Treatment, & Support."

 

stay tuned! 
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Special Treats

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This morning, I would like to extend a special treat to our Donors, Friends & Fans. I was happy to find a special message from Matt, our Honoree and first blanket recipient.

From: Matt
To: All C.U.M.F.O.R.T.S. blanket Donors

 

A Million Thank Yous!

Hi everyone, for those of you who do not know me, my name is Kat, mom of Matthew (aka Project Matthew). Thank you for all of your support with Jessica's efforts. I met Jess just a few weeks ago when I shared our story to the Burlingame Team, and was absolutely blown away by her compassion and aggressiveness to help us find cures for blood cancers.

Matthew was diagnosed with T Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia almost 2 years ago. He is doing well, all things considered. We are hoping for some really good news this week so keep your fingers crossed.

I know when he is all wrapped up in his cumforts blanket it will be your contributing arms giving him the caring hugs he needs.

Thank you kindly

Kat

Generosity is synonymous to...

This morning I had to look up the word "generous" in the thesaurus. Had I been sitting at home at my desk, (which, I'm not going to lie, is hidden under a mile-high pile of clean clothes because I just have not found the time to put them in my closet) I would have cracked open the desk-top thesaurus that I have had since I was 7-years old. This thesaurus has been through a lot - more than a dozen moves up-and-down the California coastline; sitting on more than 20 different desktops and under at least two separate wobbling desk and/or chair legs; alternating between covered in dust and hidden away in dark corners; riddled with dog-eared pages and 4th-grade scribbles.

Though this thesaurus has seen neglected days, there was a time when this particular thesaurus reigned supreme. When I was a wee-tot, I was thirsty for ways to best express myself: certain repetitive statements would not suffice. And while playing "office" at my best friend Jenn's kitchen table one afternoon, I fell in love with her dictionary-thesaurus desk set. So much so that I begged my parents for a matching set. I must have been a good kid (or a spoiled one, some argue - but I like to think that I deserved it!), because my parents were generous enough to appease my pleas. Jenn and I played office much more efficiently with our matching desk-sets for the next few years.

At home, I read that thesaurus cover-to-cover, pouring over words that are the same, similar and different from one another. I was enthralled in the world of words and tried to absorb as much from the yellowing pages of the thesaurus as I could. As I grew older, and found less time to and importance in discover the meaning of words, the pages became less enticing and the thesaurus found a permanent place amongst the rest of the books on the shelf. I continued to make the effort to pack it up and find a home for it everywhere I have had a desk to place it on. But, sadly, the thesaurus has had to wait patiently for its opportunity to be important once again.

And now, a moment for it to shine as it did in days of old: I climbed over the pile of winter sweaters and scarves, and searched the messy desktop for my brittle little thesaurus. In it, I found this:

gen·er·ous  [jen-er-uhs] - adjective 

Definition:  giving, big-hearted

• Synonyms:  acceptable, altruistic, beneficent, benevolent, big, bounteous, bountiful, charitable, considerate, easy, equitable, excellent, fair, free, good, greathearted, helpful, high-minded, honest, honorable, hospitable, just, kind, kindhearted, kindly, lavish, liberal, lofty, loose, magnanimous, moderate, munificent, noble, open-handed, philanthropic, prodigal, profuse, reasonable, soft-touch, thoughtful, tolerant, ungrudging, unselfish, unsparing, unstinting, willing 
• Antonyms:  greedy, mean, miserly, selfish, stingy 

Definition:  plentiful, large in number

• Synonyms:  abounding, abundant, affluent, ample, aplenty, bounteous, bountiful, copious, crawling with, cup runs over with, dime a dozen, eco-rich, exuberant, filled, full, galore, handsome, heavy, large, lavish, liberal, luxuriant, mucho, no end, no end in sight, overflowing, plenteous, plenty, profuse, rich, stinking with, unstinting, wealthy 
• Antonyms:  depleted, lacking, rare, scarce, sparse, wanting

In the past few weeks, GeeTEAM has received generous donations pouring in from all over, supporting C.U.M.F.O.R.T.S. blanket, Project Matt, Mighty Bites!, Team in Training, and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Donations so generous, that Project Matt jumped from 36% commissioned to 85% commissioned in less than a week! (That means a lot of catching up for me, crocheting Donor Medallions like a mad-woman!)

More importantly, the support has rung-out resounding support of my individual efforts, to do what one person can to eliminate the devastating effect that blood cancer currently has on those affected by the disease. My generous family, friends and fans have been more than generous - they have been ample, bounteous, kind, & magnanimous by giving with their whole-hearts to support the cause. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the support... if I look long enough in this old, dusty thesaurus, perhaps I can find the words.

stay tuned!

Little Ideas, Big Actions

“Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.” -George Sheehan

We all have little ideas that occur to us while we hustle/bustle about our busy days. Unfortunately, these little ideas often get scratched onto a scrap of paper, onto the back of our hands, or made into a "mental note" - and are then promptly lost in the fray. We all have greater intentions that often get suffocated under the weight of our daily responsibilities.

I don’t know that I believe we were “meant to be” anything specifically, but we all want to make the world a better place. We all want to mean something to other people. What that looks like differs for all of us, and sometimes it changes from one day, one month, and one year to the next.

But it’s up to us all individually to wake up every day and decide that those intentions are what really matter. It’s not the money, approval, acclaim, or anything else that might distract us from what we believe to be true. What matters is who we want to be, and what we do about it today.

I want to be someone who cares. I want to be someone who chooses not to cause myself pain but isn’t afraid of hurting if it’s the price of loving fully. I want to be someone who does what I believe is right, even when it’s hard. Today, I will, in action and with all my heart.

Today, I would like to encourage you (and by you, I mean you!) to invest in your little ideas by recognizing their potential to become big actions. Who do you want to be–and what will you do about it today?